As we close out a surprisingly enjoyable month at the movies, March saved arguably the worst for last. The movie that’s most likely to bring in the biggest amount of money is a weirdly timed story about a human with seemingly deficient faculties being placed in a seat of power. There’s also a movie that’s incredibly racially insensitive, depending on who you talk to. And possibly the most egregious, a movie about fighting Nazis disguised as a heartfelt romp in a zoo. I see what you’re doing, March 31st.
I’ve never seen “children’s films” as a genre to stay completely away from after you’ve reached a certain age. Ask the boys over at Asterixar how they feel about all the kids movies Pixar has been putting out. Just like anything else, you attempt to suss out the merit of a film based on what you know about it beforehand, with trailers, promo art and the acting talent. All those things combined lead me to believe that Boss Baby will be absolute garbage that will somehow still make at least $120 million and that little kids will be quoting for some months. Nothing like hearing five year olds do their best Alec Baldwin impression.
Ghost in the Shell
THIS JUST IN: Scarlett Johansson is not Asian. I don’t think a paragraph worth of riffing is the appropriate place to talk about Hollywood’s seeming refusal to cast Asian actors in what the zeitgeist has deemed to be Asian roles. I will say that it’s interesting that Johansson continues to be cast as an action hero considering her undeniable indie cred and dramatic chops. When’s the last time you saw Meryl Streep in a catsuit doing back flips? Just something to think about.
The Zookeeper’s Wife
Based on the nonfiction book, surprisingly of the same name, the titular Zookeeper’s Wife will be played by none other than Jessica Chastain who is in the midst of returning to more dramatic roles after a disappointing lapse with The Huntsmen. Judging from the trailer this movie will juxtapose beautifully shot sequences against the incredibly harsh reality that was Nazi occupied Poland. So you know, 100% a family film that will still probably be less damaging to children than Boss Baby.
The Blackcoat’s Daughter
Are you a fan of limited release Canadian films that came out two years ago? Are you also a fan of psychological horror movies starring young attractive women that are more than likely to be either mentally destabilized to the point insanity, or brutalized in ways that seem even a little too graphic for a movie. And finally, are you a fan of movies that are aware they don’t have a lot going on so they stick to a 90 minute run time? Then this one might be for you… maybe.
From the looks of this, Carrie Pilby, as a character and a movie is going to trend grating. There’s nothing redeeming about this woman within the trailer, although it’s clear that redemption will be what the film hopes to document. You can rest assured that you know someone who will “totally relate” to Carrie. My guess is that unless you already love any person that could be considered themselves one, you should steer clear of any potential Pilby, and probably of this movie too.
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