Sadly, there’s no holiday to make fun of, or change in season to reference for this week at the movies. Happily, I’m still very pleased about having seen Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 a hand full of times since it came out. On everything that’s coming out this week however, I’m aggressively neutral.

Alien: Covenant

Bound to underwhelm, much like the previous installment Prometheus, Covenant seems to be another spectacularly beautiful film, with awesome gore and a terrible plot. Covenant is supposed to lead right into the original Alien but I find myself unexcited by another prequel.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul

As a Harry Potter fan, I can understand the allure of trying to finish the filming of a series of book movies. What’s weird is rebooting a family in the middle of the series. But I guess a bonus is we get to see what Alicia Silverstone is up to… so there’s that.

Everything, Everything

Sadly, not a long form film about Lauryn Hill, Everything, Everything is also almost a Bubble Boy remake. It’s your classic tale of a girl who is allergic to everything falling in love with the new boy next door who, I’m assuming, she’s also allergic to.

The Commune

A Danish movie examining the human experience through the prism of a commune?! Date Night!


This movie stars the Cranstyman (Bryan Cranston for the uninitiated) as a suburban husband that is so unfulfilled by his marriage to Jennifer Garner that he gets a phoenix tattooed on his back and goes to live in the attic. Or maybe that’s Ben Affleck. Is this a Cranston as Affleck biopic?